When Forgiving is so hard..

Have you guys ever been in a situation that forgiving someone is so so hard? Specially when that person does not feel remorseful or bad about his actions or attitude? Even thinks that he's right, or his actions doesn't matters much to others or people should just give in to him and let him do whatever way that doesn't cost him much. Perhaps you may even consider ignoring such people, instead of forgiving or confronting them, and hopefully you can forget about it. Well, i tried doing that and God says "No" to that decision of mine. Specially when that person whom you are unable to forgive is your father.

For many years, i tried ignoring father's attitude & unreasonable theories. The older i gets & start earning, the more i see how he feeds and treats the family, the more the anger adds & bottled up. Until recently, i have notice that i'm easily irrited whenever he starts his nonsense, i begin to complain in my heart. Almost to the point of cursings and swearing.. (haha scary right? that's me and FYI, i've inherited his temper)

"Honor your father and your mother"

That verse repeats itself over and over again whenever i'm nursing my anger.
-_-! how to honor such people?? Never scream at him very good already. Thank God, so far, i have never talk back to him yet. God has always help to clam my mouth up whenever i'm reaching explosing level.

This went on for quite a long time, until recently, i couldn't stand him and his stupid excuses anymore. i thought of various ways to settle things once and for all, like moving out of the house to stay somewhere else (so that i dont have anything to do with him anymore) or chase him out of the house or scolds him until he has got nothing to say. But thank God again, neither of this has happened yet. Look, i can forgive him if he trys to change, but no wor, he don't feel a bit guilty or remorseful. Why should i even be bothered to give in to such people? not to say, forgive. There's nothing to forgive when people don't admit their wrongs and even try change.

"Honor your father and your mother"

5th Law of the 10 commandments, 1st law that relates to people interaction. Just a couple of days ago, Pastor has preach this and shared with us on building strong family by placing God's given boundaries. That message, was obviously for me, when pastor mention about forgiving your parents when they are not what you expects them to be. Reason, they are your parents & God commands us to do so. But i seat there, refused to do anything.

And later the week during cell meeting, agg shared that we need to honor God. in our decisions, actions. Any solutions or directions that does not bring you back to God, or have God's peace, is definitely not from God. And again, i knew this message is pointing to the same issue that i refuse to work on.

later that night, i went back home and just before i went to bed, i took out a christian book called something like "Prayers that changes everything - the hidden power through worship". this chapter i was reading was on "Worshipping God because He is our Heavenly Father". The author went on something like this "You cannot fully worship God as your Heavenly Father if you cannot forgive your earthly father"

That was it. 1 message from 3 different sources that came within 3 days, is of no coincidence. i had to do something, for the past few months, i couldn't get into worship, nor into God's presence. This is the main reason that walled me away from Him. As i began to pray, i begin to tell God very honest feelings. i couldn't just forgive nor let go, the feelings & anger just won't go away. i cannot do this on my own. it's beyond me. Then very gently, God reminded & taught me on a few things.

*) Do not sin in your anger
*) Revenges belongs to the Lord.
*) Forgiving doesn't mean you give in to his behavior nor accept his actions. it's the person you forgive, not the actions.
*) God hasn't finish his work on him yet, just as God haven't finish His work on me yet. That's why, God is so forgiving to my stubborn and repeating sins.
*) Who says he will be what he is now? is God unable change him to a better person?
*) His grace is sufficient for me.
*) Do this for God, for Christ has already done the same for me.

Amen.

That night after praying, i found it so much easier (than i thought) to let go and let God takes from there. i had a peaceful night. (haha..if could be better if i didn't had so much kopi-O that day) Thank you Lord, for letting me see things through your eyes. The rest are yours to take over.

"For the Truth shall set you free"

i'm Free.